Female Masturbation is regarded as the best way for women to Orgasm. More than half of American women 18-49 masturbate at least once every 3 months, according to a study from The Kinsey Institute, and that’s true for single women and those who are coupled up. Self-pleasure doesn’t have the stigma it once did, says Nicole Prause, PhD, but myths still affect the way that some women feel about it — and how they do (or don’t) touch themselves.
To masturbate means to stimulate yourself in a sexual way. This can be done by hand, or with sex aids – some highly-sexed women can even do it by rubbing their thighs together. And a tiny minority of women can do it with no genital contact at all, but simply through caressing their breasts. Such stimulation often leads to orgasm, but not invariably, as many women enjoy stroking themselves and experiencing pleasure that does not necessarily culminate in a climax.
Most men have masturbated, often beginning at a fairly young age. Women tend to start masturbation later however, and it doesn’t tend to be such an automatic activity as it is for most men and boys. Furthermore, even once a woman has learned to masturbate, she will probably do it less than the average man – and it seems that far fewer women than men do it regularly.
Various people have speculated on why this is the case. But most agree that it is to do with basic sex drive. It does appear that if you compare the sex drive of an average young woman and an average young man, then the man is likely to be the more highly sexed of the two. This is partly because a woman’s fluctuating hormones tend to mean that her desire for sex is not as constant as a man’s is.
Another reason for masturbation being less important to women than men is that a man’s sexual apparatus is all outside his body and he’s focused on the pleasure his penis provides him from a very young age. Women’s sex organs are less obvious.
For example, the clitoris – which is the main organ of pleasure in most women – is hidden away under the labia. Also, though this is less the case now than it used to be, girls have traditionally been brought up to be more modest and secretive about their bodies. Even so, many young women nowadays will enjoy masturbation prior to experiencing love play or intercourse with a partner. But vast numbers of females do not discover masturbation till their late teens – and some never do it at all.
Is masturbation a good thing?
Years ago, girls were told that masturbation was an ‘immature’ activity and that it was important not to get too fixated on it. Most experts now regard this sort of advice as nonsense.
Indeed, most clinicians and counselors working in the world of sex and/or relationship therapy believe that a woman can learn a great deal about her own sexual response through masturbation, and that she can then pass on what she knows to any partner – male or female – she may have.
So, masturbation should not be regarded as immature or shameful. It’s something that most normally-sexed women do. They may reserve it for when they feel in need of a treat, or they may do it very regularly – even when they’re in a relationship. Some women choose to masturbate in order to ease abdominal cramps during their periods. Others only ever do it if they feel seriously frustrated. And yet others do it both privately and also as part of the love play they share with their partners. All this is normal.
Best way for women to have an orgasm
If you don’t know exactly what it is you like or what it takes for you to reach orgasm, it’s a good idea to practice on your own. For some people the very idea of stimulating themselves can seem worrying, or unappealing, or something to be ashamed of. It’s a good idea if women can rid themselves of these feelings.
Masturbation is a great way to lessen tension in your body. It’s a very safe way to have an orgasm. And it’s probably the best way to learn about how your body likes to be loved. But masturbation, like most things, takes practice. And the only way to learn about your own sexual response is to try it.
If you have never tried masturbation, or you want to do it in such a way that will be more pleasurable and satisfying than it has been in the past, you might need to plan how and when to do it, rather than leave it to chance.
For a start, you need to ensure that you’re going to have adequate time to yourself and that you won’t be interrupted. Begin by taking a shower, or a long, luxurious, scented bath. Soap your body all over and enjoy touching your breasts and your genitals in particular. Dry yourself carefully, then rub your favourite lotion all over your body. Keep touching your body everywhere – it might be a good idea to stand in front of a mirror while you do it. This is your body – a body capable of giving you great pleasure – so enjoy looking at it and getting used to the sight and feel of it.
At this point, as long as you know that you’re in no danger of being disturbed, move to your bedroom. Make sure that it is warm and comfortable. Put on some relaxing music if you like. And just enjoy yourself. Lie down on your bed and use a mirror to look at your private and intimate places. Gently spread your labia: you may want to use a spot of lubrication There are very nice modern ones that increase the sensuousness of the occasion – such as Liquid Silk. But if you don’t have any lubrication, use saliva.
Try to tighten and relax the muscles at the base of the pelvis.
If you find it difficult to know whether you’re doing this successfully, try inserting a couple of fingers inside your vagina. That way, you’ll be able to feel whether you’re tightening and relaxing the muscles or not. Many women much prefer masturbation if they can feel some bulk in the vagina at the same time as they stimulate the clitoris – so touching yourself internally might feel very good indeed.
If you now tighten and relax the muscles in rapid succession you will feel contractions of the kind that many women experience when having an orgasm. You might also notice a warm sensation in your abdomen. Try touching yourself all over your body, including the breasts and your genitals where you will quickly find the most sensitive spots. In particular, experiment near the opening of the vagina and clitoris and stimulate yourself in whatever way feels best. So long as you do not rush, and you are keeping relaxed, then your own fingers will automatically do the right thing and will move with the right amount of speed and intensity for you.
Try to familiarize yourself with exactly how touching yourself makes you feel. Ignore everything around you. Just think about what is going on inside you, or fantasize about making love with someone you care for, or with a celebrity, or in some gorgeous and romantic place. While you touch yourself, you might like to look at something that turns you on – pictures, perhaps, a film; even a sexy book. Interestingly, men and women differ somewhat in what they find arousing. Most men like graphic pictures of sexy women or of people having sex. Women are frequently much more turned on by words – so an erotic novel can often increase a woman’s pleasure.
If, as is likely, your sexual tension rises, keep going. If you have never previously masturbated to orgasm, you might suddenly feel tired and want to stop. Or you may be nervous about the build up of excitement in your body. Don’t worry about this. Just take your time. And if you don’t want to go on right now, then that’s fine. You can always try again another day. Eventually, the pleasant feelings will build up and you’ll be comfortable with this and increasingly excited and you won’t want to stop. When that happens, you will almost certainly suddenly experience a huge rush of ecstatic feeling and you will bring yourself to orgasm.
For some women, it’s not enough to just use their fingers – they like to use sex aids as well. A vibrator may be useful, or you could try stimulating yourself with the hand spray when you are in the shower. Use your fingers at the same time. Most women can learn to masturbate and to orgasm – and the guidelines above should help you to achieve this.
Things you should know about masturbation
1. It’s good for you.
Masturbating increases blood flow throughout your body and releases feel-good brain chemicals called endorphin’s. “That may explain why there’s a clear mood benefit, even if you don’t orgasm,” says Prause, a sexuality researcher at UCLA. And while men are more likely to talk about blowing off steam by masturbating, research suggests it’s a stress-reliever for both sexes. “It takes your mind and off your worries while activating areas of the brain associated with pleasure,” Prause says.
2. It improves your sex life.
Masturbation can make you sexually comfortable and confident. “It puts you in touch with your desires and gives you the chance to get to know your own body,” says sexuality educator Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD. “Experimenting with what feels good and makes you respond positively can lead to better sexual experiences, both alone and with a partner.”
If you have trouble reaching orgasm, it’s a private, stress-free way to try different types of touch and pressure to see what helps you climax, Fulbright says.
3. It can ease post menopause sex problems.
Many women see changes during menopause. Masturbation can help, says Judi Chervenak, MD, a gynecologist at Montefiore Medical Center in New York City.
“The vagina can actually narrow, which can make intercourse and vaginal exams more painful.” But masturbation, especially with a water-based lubricant, can help prevent narrowing, boost blood flow, relieve some tissue and moisture problems, and increase sexual desire, Chervenak says.
4. It doesn’t have to be quick (or end with an orgasm).
The media may suggest otherwise, but masturbation isn’t just a “quickie” experience. That’s OK. “Rushing can make it less enjoyable, and so can focusing too much on orgasm,” Fulbright says. “Give yourself time to touch all parts of your body or try different positions, and don’t feel pressure to climax.”
5. Toys can help.
Nearly half of women between the ages of 18 and 60 have used a sex toy like a dildo or vibrator, according to a survey by Ashley Leonard at Robert Morris University. If you’ve had trouble reaching orgasm and want to climax, a vibrator (which stimulates the nerve endings in the clitoris) may be helpful.
Don’t worry whether it will lead to sex problems later down the line, Prause says. “Put simply, if it feels good, go for it.”
Masturbation Techniques For Women
Whether it’s a quick feel-good session, or a long evening of self-One of the convenient times to masturbate is before going to sleep. Sweet dreams! it will also help you doze off and have a nice restful sleep.
Here are some great masturbation techniques for women that can be used to enjoy and rediscover your personal sexually. These masturbation techniques are divided into three key groups: Skin on Skin, Water Works, and Adult Toys. These aren’t rules, but guidelines for your enjoyment. Regardless of your personality and preference, they will give you a beautiful orgasmic masturbation experience – chilling and shivering from head to toe. Experiment with each one and keep variety your spice of life!
1. The Pattie Cake
Using your pointer and middle finger, gently pat your clitoris varying pressure and speed until your little boat is standing in attention. Listening to sexy or romantic music can enhance your mood and you can pat your clitoris to off and on to the groove of the music. Done to perfection, your inner labia and clitoris will become both sticky sweet and warm. When the insides of your vagina are covered with your love fluid, use this as lubricant.
Resist the temptation of starting to just “rub one out.” Keep patting and/or using short strokes. The anticipation will build with pressure behind your coming orgasm. As you are getting closer to coming, push your fingers inside you, then pulling out rubbing your love fluids onto your clitoris. Continue patting and pulling your juices on to your clitoris. The key is the anticipation of not rushing ahead. Just keep patting with some rubbing motion until you can’t hold back anymore. As you start to orgasm, then rub as it feels best all over you clitoris enjoying a well deserved orgasm!
2. The Sandwich Cookie
This technique is much like delicious cookies sandwiching a cream filling. Your index and middle fingers serve as the delicious cookies here. Place your fingers on the outside and supporting both sides of your clitoris. While gently gripping your clitoris with your fingers, use the fingers of your other hand to stroke the clitoris while varying the pressure and speed, but not too fast. You can also slide your “sandwich” fingers up and down on the sides of your clitoris too.
Note: Maintain this action trying not to slip into your basic pattern of masturbation to orgasm or as you orgasm. This will help increase your “repertoire” of delightful ways to achieve orgasm. As you come, work your two fingers in harmony with the rubbing of your clitoris. It will be sweeter than any Sandwich Cookie!
3. The Open-Faced Sandwich
This technique involves gently patting and pushing down on you whole vaginal area using the palm of your outstretched hand. It is quite a variation on direct stimulation methods as the stimulation is much broader focused. Keep your hand open and fingers outstretched. Long and varied strokes are best at first. You will find yourself twisting and turning your hand to focus on your clitoris. This is ok, but keep the fingers out of it. Continuing with this rhythm will produce a hot sensation. As you come push your palm into your clitoris and rub it back and forth where your palm and wrist meet. This orgasm can feel different because with your fingers outstretched, it will feel more submissive which can intensify your orgasm!
4. The Pulsing Pelvis
This technique actually simulates having sex so it can be very erotic. Lay on your bed, back down with your legs woman-having-orgasm-technique spread, knees up and feet flat on the bed. Use your middle finger to penetrate your vagina much like a penis. A sexy and considerate man would first rub his member around you so that entry was smooth and slick. You should have the same consideration for yourself too! Don’t just plunge your fingers in, be gentle and work for it! You can even pull away like you are teasing your man before he enters you.
As your finger enters, softly but seductively contract your leg muscles such that your pelvis gently pulses in a rhythm similar to when making love with a partner. The emphasis is on your pelvic push as opposed to finger action. Push into your hand and finger. If you want to fantasize about being laid by prince charming, go for it! Keep it going with your pelvis thrusting harder and harder until you come. This technique will make you a better lover too. Be forewarned that you will drive your man crazy with this technique, but also
likely bring up questions about where you learned to do this? And if you have been seeing another guy? One last note: Before sex you’ll lover won’t need to remove his socks, you’ll rock them off for him!
5. In the Pool
Rated highly among the masturbation techniques for women, here you open your legs as wide as possible while positioning yourself in front of one of the many jets available in your hot tub or pool. Experiment with the various spray patterns and/or oscillations. Don’t start out too close! With your legs spread, stand far enough away that the jet is not uncomfortable for you at all. Begin moving closer and closer towards the jet until the stimulation is enough to jet you into organism!
6. With Your Shower Head
A common masturbation technique for women, but it needs to be done properly to get that mind-blowing organism. Using your handheld shower head to please yourself, take it off the hook and press it on your clitoris, rub softly then firmly. You can alternate between the two extremes or just find a middle ground which offers you the right sensation. You can synchronize your rubbing motions to match your masturbation experience. All in all, you are bound to have an incredible experience.
7. In the bathtub
First, fill the tub with enough hot water that it is not cold to lay in. Keep the facet running at a slow run. Add in your favorite bath beads or fragrance soak. Ease into the in the tub and start sprinkling water on various parts of your body. The water will feel warm on your skin first, then cool down. This will start the nerve sensations flowing through your body. Keep dripping water all over your body feeling very sexy as you drip water between your legs.
When the time feels right, slide down towards the slow running facet with your legs spread. Let the water splash around your clitoris. Slide you backside so that the water hits various spots of your vagina. Rub your thighs with your hands and position your clitoris under the water for the best feeling. Use your body movement with the water to stimulate your clitoris. If you can avoid manual stimulation, your orgasm will be incredible!
8. Dig the Shovel
This can give you an option on your type of orgasm – clitoral or “G-Spot”. After you have initiated masturbation and you are naturally lubricated or have applied lubricant. Use a vibrator or dildo inserted in your vagina with a “digging up” motion pull the end of it into the “G-Spot” and continue sliding all the way out and slowly over your clitoris.
Don’t give up on the “G-Spot” because it can be an incredibly intense orgasm. Keep seductively going thru the digging motion until one area is unavoidable. concentrate there and dig in until you hit pay dirt!
9. Electric
An electric toothbrush will not only keep that bright smile pretty, it can keep it there! An electric toothbrush can easily be used as a unique vibrator. Just use an extra toothbrush tip for the fun work. An electric toothbrush vibrates at a much higher rate than most vibrators so the sensation is much different. The head of the toothbrush is much smaller and about the size of the average clitoris – what could be better? You can cut the brushes off to keep from getting too roughed up. Cremes and lotions work great on the end of it.
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Focus the toothbrush all around your clitoris doing what feels the best. It won’t be long until you are showing those pearly whites with one big orgasmic smile!!!
A side benefit of using your electric toothbrush as a vibrator goes beyond the incredible orgasm. It is always handy and you won’t have to worry about leaving it out (stash the toothbrush end though) or traveling with it wondering what customs will say about it?
10. A Play Station
If the game gets a little boring you can always spruce it with a self-induced orgasm. You’re sure to win! All you really need is a game that makes the controller vibrate. Configure the best way for the controller to stimulate your clitoris. Once the game starts, the challenge is getting the controller to vibrate. This is the element that makes the orgasm more
intense – you don’t have 100% control. Therefore, the excitement builds as it vibrates at the right time while knowing it could stop. Game on!
On average, women take longer to orgasm than men do. “For a woman’s nerve endings to be stimulated and for the blood flow to get down into her genitals, it can take up to 15 or 20 minutes of foreplay,” explains Sadie Allison, Ph.D., author of The Mystery of the Undercover Clitoris: Orgasmic Fingertip Touching Every Woman Craves.
But she might be a lot faster going solo than she is with you in the sack. That could be because she’s more focused on her own pleasure (instead of yours) or because she knows exactly what she wants. “Many women can be there in 2 to 3 minutes on their own, but will take 10 or more—or can’t get there at all—with a partner,” says sex expert Carlyle Jansen, author of Sex Yourself, a book about women’s masturbation.
When you wake up with morning wood, there’s a decent chance you’ll give yourself a tug before the day is over. According to research, 25 percent of men masturbate at least 3 times per week, and 55 do it at least once a month. But for women, those stats are considerably lower: Only 10 percent of ladies report pleasuring themselves three times per week, and 38 percent go down below once a month.
How come? She might see self-pleasure as more of a production, not just a quick rub-and-go activity. It could also be because of the stigma associated with female masturbation, which can follow many women into adulthood. “Most boys begin before they’re 10,” says Jansen, while “women start later, often in their 20s.”
“Men can be in a dirty gas station bathroom and rub one out,” says Allison, but for the fairer sex, environment is everything. Maybe she pulls out a special lubricant, lights a few candles, or draws a bath before starting self-pleasure. “A lot of women need their heads to be there, and if there are any distractions whatsoever, that can throw them off,” she says.
When you masturbate, you’ve got a firm grip, your fingers are clenched, and you stick to a rough, up-and-down motion. Women, on the other hand, tend to be slower, gentler, and more subtle.
“Think about if you had an eyelash in your eye and you were trying to rub it out,” says Allison. “You’d pull your eyelid back and gently use your fingertip to rub around. That’s how soft you should touch a woman’s clitoris. Yes, that soft.”
The clitoris has twice as many nerve endings as the head of the penis, so it’s super-sensitive to even the softest touch. Some women like it rougher—and they’ll tell you if they do—but most need to be eased in gently before they can stand too much contact with their clitoris.
While you pretty much have just one tool at your disposal, she likes to make masturbation a full-body activity. “Women tend to stimulate the whole body more—the neck, breasts, arms, and labia,” explains Jansen. She might massage her nipples or inner thighs first before settling on her genitals. Comparatively, “men are generally okay with the beginning, middle, and end focus on the penis,” Jansen says.
This might be the biggest difference of them all. When you masturbate, you probably have a clear goal in mind: bust a nut or bust. “But for a lot of women, whether you get there or not isn’t the key,” says Allison. Some women are satisfied with their self-pleasure well before orgasm occurs, or regardless of whether there’s a climax. “It’s more about taking time for yourself and giving to yourself in a pleasurable way,” she says.
When you ejaculate, it creates a huge physical release. “It takes a lot of energy for the body to actually push all of that fluid from the prostate, through the spiral tubing, then through the testicles, up and out of the penis,” explains Allison. “That’s why when [men] are finally done, it’s over. They’re like, ‘Whew, I need a nap.’”
Women’s orgasms are physical, too, but they don’t have the same “refractory period” after climaxing, which makes it more likely for them to go for multiple rounds. So while some women aren’t necessarily vying for orgasm at all, others don’t stop at just one.